Monday, January 13, 2014

9 Things I Learned from Movies This Week

1. The hero's / heroine's parents always die when he/she is around ten years old, in a car accident. (The more elite ones get the luxury of a plane crash.) That's how we get the parents out of the way and invoke sentiments all at one shot. They don't die of any other reason, unless it is crucial to the story. You never hear of anyone dying of malaria or dengue fever.

2. Hollywood hunks like quiet, mature, brainy girls who have unbearably bubbly and hysterical friends. Desi heroes like unbelievably bubbly and talkative and gorgeous girls. Brains aren't a necessity. Foolishness and arrogance are pre-requisites.

3. Desi characters see ghosts of their dead parents/siblings/spouse, and they are startled when the ghosts vanish, because they think the vision is real. Hollywood folk shake their heads at the ghosts, smile and walk away, because they are clever enough to know it is only their own memory playing tricks.

4. Hollywood brides and grooms get cold feet before their wedding and threaten to call it off, at the last moment. In about fifty percent of the cases, the bride / groom changes her/his mind right before the ceremony (because, as we know so well, it's the wrong guy/girl). In Bollywood and surrounding regions, no one walks away right before a wedding (though they could be abducted from or forced into one). Desis aren't afraid of a mere wedding or the divorce rate in the country. They firmly believe in Happily Every After.

5. The heroine catches the bouquet. 'Nuff said.
(Luckily in India we do not have that delightful custom, else imagine what that would have added to Bollywood.)

6. The hero (who doesn't know yet that he is the hero, though the rest of us does) runs to confess his love to the girl, only to find her embracing her fiancé, and walks away, dejected. Little does he know that the girl's mind is not in it and she has been waiting for him to turn up. Earth has to revolve a little more before everything clears up.

7. This affliction is particularly common in Hollywood: the career-centric woman does not believe in true love, she is convinced it is some story cooked up by greeting card companies. Then this ruggedly handsome dude pops up in her radar, infuriating her, thwarting her peace of mind, plunging her deep into the chaos called... love. What can the distressed damsel do other than admit defeat?

8. The protagonist, who is suffering from an incurable disease, has to die. There is no treatment that saves his/her life at the end. (Imagine what a mess it would be if they are cured, when everyone else has prepared for their death?)

9. I watch too many movies on TV.

Who said movies aren't educational? 

8 comments:

  1. Hee hee.. I too watched too many movies in the last two days... all on Romedy Now and so I was laughing when I read the calling off wedding part.. I witnessed that twice in two days..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Was one of them starring Colin Firth? I saw the ending of a movie (don't remember the name) where he pulls out of a wedding. :)

      Delete
  2. You should watch 'Shuddh Desi ROmance', the Bollywood version of getting cold feet before marriage. I wasted three hours of my life watching this shit of a movie, which is also one of the "hits" of 2013. I am not getting those three hours back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am sure what they mean when they say "hit" is not what we think it means. Take Chennai Express, for instance. *shudder*

      Delete
  3. Hey hey.....First your post is good.S econd,yes , movies are educational if taken in the right spirit like you and me :) he he.. Third ,may be you would like to see MY educational degree from movies on
    http://sunshineandblueclouds.blogspot.in/2013/07/world-wise-wisdom.html

    and fourth, Chennai Express is at least decent and watchable with kids... a rarity in today's time .. Love, Kokila

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your comment, Kokila. I will check your blog. And Chennai Exp, my son loved it - probably it is because it is his first full-fledged Hindi movie without any animation or kids in it. :-)

      Delete