Monday, August 17, 2015

Longing for nightmares

When I dream of you at night
I call it a nightmare...
For, though it does sound sweet,
It brings nothing but pain.

Yet when the sun goes down
I yearn for those dreams;
In a life that promises nothing,
Even pain is a godsend.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

My story

These are not my stories - the books I read,
The movies I watch,

Don't misunderstand me-
I like these stories I read; I like those movies I watch.
I can connect with some of them, and those I cannot, I still can enjoy.

But it is not me; their story is not mine. There are characters in those stories who are a little like me, but their choices are not mine, their paths deviate from mine.

Because my story is different; because it is not told.
Because my life matters, and my struggles are real.
Because I cannot go on pretending they do not exist.

And what is my story? I barely know.
That is why I write - I try to find it in that place where I exist. Most of me, anyway.

Every story I write has something of me in it.
And yet even I cannot piece it together and make the whole.

My story is not merry, it isn't enchanting. But it is important and it has to be told.
When I write, I search. I am trying to find and recreate - myself.

I know who I am - and it is a only feeling.
It is not words that I can articulate and you can understand. Not yet.

I try.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Life is full of dilemmas:

To ask or not to.
To beg or not to.
To announce or not to.
To suppress or not to.

To struggle or not to.
To live or not to.
To smile or not to.
To pay or not to.

To laugh or not to.
To play or not to.
To cry or not to.
To yell or not to.

To knock or not to.
To enjoy or not to.
To walk or not to.
To wait or not to.

To let go or not to.
To fight or not to.
To relax or not to.
To restrain or not to.

To rebel or not to.
To love or not to.
To explain or not to.
To obey or not to.

To command or not to.
To suffer or not to.
To endure or not to.
To die or not to.

The chains that the poet spoke of...
That binds us through life...